‘Spare me the darkness,’ I cried in fear.
‘Have mercy on this frightened child.
Keep it distant, keep it far,
So that it never touches me,
Never knows me,
Never tears me from this place of light.
The world within is twisted and fey
And calls to me
And sings to me
And lulls me into sleep.
But I cannot go there,
For surely fell things wait
Where I cannot see.
Keep me awake,
Keep me safe.
Warm me and nurture me.
Comfort my soul.
Return to me the sun,
That I may know the world I walk
And discern the path I take.
Deliver me from this darkness–
Hide me in the light.’
‘Bring on the darkness,’ I cried in pain.
‘Have mercy on this broken man.
Wrap me in the emptiness.
Let it fill me,
Let it consume me,
Let me become the nothing that waits at my door,
Enveloping and caressing me,
Shutting out the light.
There is nothing here I want to know,
No answers left to tempt me.
Take me to a place that’s past forgetting,
Where memories fear to tread.
Call to me,
Sing to me,
Lull me into sleep.
Allow me to embrace that moonless night,
And never know the sun again.
Quench this fire within my soul and give me a heart that is darkened.
Release me from the pain of longing.
Let me feel nothing.
Let me feel no one.
Take me far beyond this earthly realm.
Deliver me to this darkness.
Hide me from the light.’
Yesterday I trembled at the truth.
Today I slept to forget its face.
But fear and denial have left me cold,
And the war between them has torn me apart.
This house divided has begun to crumble
And set me sinking in the sand.
Light and dark,
I’ve let them rage;
I’ve let their battle scar the skies
Till only twilight now remains.
No truce yet forged between the pair–
A weighty standoff in its stead–
I stumble through this half-lit space,
Behold a world I’ve rent in two,
And wonder in my desperation
How I might yet escape.
But these pieces must be whole again,
And dark must feed the light.
Restore to me my shadow,
Return night to the day.
I find that now I’m still asleep,
But tomorrow I will wake,
And soon there will be peace.