Autopilot

When did it get dark? Late afternoon seems minutes ago, but now the sky is dense and inky. You adjust quickly, but the question hangs a moment. You don’t wonder so much why you didn’t notice it before. It’s more a question of what changed in your mind, what brought you back. But you glide past this, you glide into the darkness. Diamonds sparkle out of the corner of your eye, and you look over at them, covetously. Another “why?” You don’t need them, and a lonely soul like you has no business with diamonds. They would only get you into trouble, so you let the diamonds fade, along with everything else. Now it’s only the water, and inertia. The surge that happens when you see it. You’ve started to get that feeling again, like dying. You can’t remember it, what it’s like, but that’s not what the feeling’s about anyway. It’s how many times it’s happened that gets you. The water rolls along and you feel like you’ve died a hundred ways. How many lives did you move through to get here? How many times did you have to start from the beginning? You don’t like the idea of starting over, doing it all again. You like now, and something whips innocently past your eye that threatens you all the same. A shiver, a reset of the scene, and you’re sliding on. Your deaths recede, and you become immortal again. Dying is a joke played on the living, to frighten them. Even if it’s real, you’ll never know it, not for certain. You laugh at the warnings of experts and friends. It could kill you? Shit. The only thing with a perfect mortality rate is living. Life eventually kills everybody. So just slide. And you do. But now the sky has gone funny. Red halos blur your vision, and you feel a rush, but it’s not the good kind. You wonder if this is it, if this is what it all comes down to. But it’s not the end. You make another adjustment, your heart voices its annoyance, but the red has faded now. The cool darkness returns to the sky, and you laugh again, but you’re not thinking about life anymore. The diamonds have caught your eye. image courtesy of aesthet.comNot for you, my friend, but then who would know? They are there for the taking, and so you take them. You wonder where they might take you, but then your smile returns: they won’t lead you anywhere new. Everyone goes the same way, diamonds or no. They are worthless, a matter of expediency, nothing more. Some will take them, others won’t, but the path remains the same. Dreamy eyed, slipping forward, diamonds fading into dust. On you glide, your mind askew. Familiar sights float before you, but they slip back as you slide on. You don’t see them anymore, and it’s a while before you realize that familiar is far behind. And it’s dark. And the water, too, has left you again. You are alone. You are surrounded. You’ve gone too far, but it doesn’t matter. You have abandoned your diamonds, or they you, and yet you glide, you slide on, you slip forward into the darkness, the embrace of an old friend, but you turn it away just before contact. Your light rebukes it, pushes it aside, but it is not dismayed. It is forever filling in the path behind you, longing to catch up, just as its arms open ever forward to greet you as you cast it back, cast it back. A dance of light and dark, of worlds that never meet. You smile and wonder if that’s what it’s like, a meeting of worlds. Light embraces darkness, a reunion of severed halves, and death meets life with a grin and a tear, their separation having been so long. Your smile widens at this, and you glide on, glide on.

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About anotherexilefromparadise

I am a writer, by passion if not by profession.
This entry was posted in Dreams, Fiction, Memories, Story, Thoughts, Travel and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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