How cruel a thing to achieve a dream forsaken.
I picture your eyes as last I saw you,
The wonder sealed within,
As you beckoned me to follow,
To approach the ripple’s edge—
Where once but air had hung,
Shone dancing, joyful light.
Softly you’d crept
From our lovers bed,
Drawn instinctively toward
That rift between these worlds.
You’d known at a glance
What was there,
What lay beyond.
Could see in it the memories—
Of dreams forgotten,
Of lives interrupted,
Of destiny stolen—
That you’d shared with me
And I with you.
My quickened pulse beheld this truth
Long before I reached you,
Your shining face
Into the space between the spaces,
The place we’d scarcely dared to hope for,
To which our souls alone could long to return.
But framed by light and marvels,
There loomed the answer to a life spent wandering:
The contours of a home I’d never truly known
Embraced my gaze
When once I’d wrenched it from your own.
But long before I’d had my fill
Of watching humbly what moved within,
You whispered softly,
Called my name,
Took my hand in yours,
And crushed our spirits
With a press of your finger against the rift,
Where it moved no further,
As though a plane of glass
Were raised to bar your entry,
And no force,
Gentle or firm,
Could win you further on.
With spirits broken,
To have our mad desires
At once proven true
But held forever out of reach,
Ours only to see
And never to embrace—
Though even then
The light began to fade.
I will curse until I die,
If that luxury is ever granted,
The elation that arose
When once I’d raised my own hand
And felt warm air surround it
As I slowly passed it through.
My eyes were yours again,
As I firmly clasped your hand,
And you nodded slowly,
As I shared my aspiration.
But it was everything we’d scarcely dreamed,
Or half imagined it could be,
And so I knew that,
Our love would soon prevail.
And stepping through,
I pulled you near,
My touch uniting there and here,
Until my fingertips alone
Were left to know your true design.
For once your hand,
Though grasped in mine,
Again drew near that wretched plane,
I felt that dread resistance,
Saw your knowing eyes grow dim.
That gaze that haunts me still,
Crept across your beaming face,
And if I live a thousand lives,
Never shall I understand
What terrible notion could inspire
The fateful choice that next arose,
Nor how it seemed,
Between the two,
The option that would serve me best.
You must have sensed it,
As you knew my every thought,
And before my foot could cross again,
Before my world return to yours,
You forced your lips into a smile—
Agony of ecstasies to behold!—
And softly pressed my hand
And as the static quickly grew,
Across our fading home,
You looked with love and confidence
Upon this broken soul,
Whose only desire,
Then, now, and eternally,
Was to leave the only home I’ve known
And return to where my heart knew peace.
So it is that I wander
This land of which we often dreamt—
A universe concealed behind our own—
The world to which I once belonged
Rejoice to have rejoined.
But its taste is of ash,
Though its beauty be great,
And I long now for the world that I scorned
Before we found one another,
Before we dreamt of this together,
Before I’d found all my heart could want,
All my soul could cherish,
Before I’d let this world recede
And replaced it all with you.
How cruel a thing to achieve a dream forsaken
At the expense of a dream fulfilled.